A friend of mine shared the most excellent music video for “Uptown Funk” on my Facebook the other day. Of course, struck with inspiration, I felt it was time to put my minimal film school knowledge to use for yet another Detailed Visual Analysis Read on.
0:03 – Lots of high fives. Well, I guess these would classify as low fives. V soulful.
0:06 – Only Bruno Mars would be able to rock that much jewelry AND a raspberry blazer. A RASPBERRY COLORED BLAZER.
0:14 – LOL hi Mark Ronson.
0:20 – Oh my God. If I ever get married I’m going to have a bridal party of all men just so I can make them dress like this and snap-dance behind me. Of course, I will be wearing a raspberry blazer over the wedding dress while I snap-dance down the aisle.
0:27 – *ignores strange feelings of attraction to Bruno Mars to continue commentary*
0:28 – Really though, props to the stylist for this video. Taking fashion risks indeed. Hey sir, you think you can pull off a full white suit with no undershirt? YOU BETCHA.
0:43 – Must say that the set design, use of light, all of it is mad cool. 70s funk fever dream on lock. Makes me wanna put on my jumpsuit and do the hustle.
0:47 – MARK RONSON YOU DON’T WANT NO PART OF THIS SHIT
0:53 – I never really noticed how short Bruno Mars is until I watched this video. They gotta put him in the foreground so he appears to be somewhat tall-ish. As in, over 5’5″. Regardless, he’s still way cooler than like 90% of the tall dudes I know, so keep rockin’ it Bruno. I’d still go out with you.
1:10 – Maybe I’m a sucker for cheese but these dance sequences are kind of making me wanna turn up. By that I mean they are making me want to turn up A LOT….. I don’t turn up very often.
1:26 – Now that I’ve started this, I literally cannot stop comparing Mark Ronson to Dewey Cox. PLS FORGIVE ME MARK
1:34 – Casting call for dancers probably went like this: “WE REALLY NEED A *FUNKY* MALE DANCER SHORTER THAN BRUNO MARS FOR LIKE 5 SECONDS OF THIS VIDEO LET ME KNOW IF IT’S YOU OKAY THX”
1:37 – White suit guy is the real MVP here. Look at that sassy face.
1:41 – Mark why are you wearing purple socks they clash with everything I’m sorry dawg YOU GOTTA TAKE EM OFF
1:53 – Shoe shining guy is me right now, just aggressively mouthing the chorus while I write about this funky-ass video. Also, I used to have tap shoes that looked like that! Yes, I tapped. If you look hard enough, there are videos. I’m not going to link them.
1:56 – Mark Ronson with hair in curlers is EVERYTHING. Why do I think Mark Ronson looks like this guy right now?
1:59 – MARK GET OFF YOUR CELL PHONE CELL PHONES WEREN’T INVENTED IN THE 70s YA TIME-TRAVELING JANGUS
2:17 – Looks like Bruno Mars stole my signature move, “air drumming with pointer fingers”
2:25 – Bruno is just KILLING it with this shimmy thing he’s doing. Why is he able to make that look so cool, yet when I do it I’m reminded of how WASPy I truly am?
2:27 – SLO MO! You been hanging out with RiFF RAFF lately? Heard he had some pretty dope slo mo animals in a video or something.
2:29 – Lady on the left is owning the side-eye game like none other. She will side-eye your curly head outta there Bruno.
2:42 – Those are some “Jesus take the wheel” hands right there.
2:48 – Salon lady’s face looks like she just smelled some rotten milk. Bruno doesn’t care though. Bruno is beautiful. Bruno must primp.
3:00 – Older shoe shining guy is like “QUIT SWITCHING YOUR DAMN FEET BRUNO YOU’RE GONNA RUIN THE PATENT LEATHER”
3:03 – Mark Ronson thizz face for all the awards.
3:15 – Cee-Lo Green Twin doing the pony THIS VIDEO IS EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED IN MY LIFE
3:30 – Oh, a smoky nightclub! Who else was immediately reminded of this scene?
3:53 – Keytar!
4:18 – I feel like the drummer didn’t get the whole “we’re in the 70s” memo. Maybe he was the dude that brought Mark Ronson a cell phone.
4:27 – Maybe this is the funk that Old Gregg was looking for all along.
This Detailed Visual Analysis was brought to you by Staley.